i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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