so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
