Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
