I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well I just put wine in my tea
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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