it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
