i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
