So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
