we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
