Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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