Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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