I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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