You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
