I cut my penus on the lid.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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