I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
