Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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