you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
