he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
