did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
