Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
