I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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