First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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