im about as happy as oj after his trial
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Who died my cat blue again?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
