i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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