can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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