I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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