when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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