I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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