A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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