I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
