K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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