I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
