nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
