so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
