I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Help. Why am I so naked?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
