Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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