didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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