My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
