You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
