in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
