I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
