I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize