Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
