After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
