The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
