Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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