my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
