im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
