Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
