this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
