the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
do herpes really smell.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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